In high school I didn’t wear too much makeup. It just seemed like a lot of work. When I went off to college I wore it even less. It wasn’t until senior year until I began wearing it on a regular basis. See, I had gained weight and wasn’t feeling as confident as I once did.
The 15-20lb weight gain had me questioning myself. I didn’t feel pretty without mascara. I felt like my usual self wasn’t good enough unless it was caked with makeup. I began wearing eyeliner and mascara everyday. It became my security blanket. I knew that as long as I had my trusty eyeliner pen and mascara tube I could do anything.
I can’t remember the specific day but I do remember the feeling. That realization that I didn’t feel pretty without makeup. That I didn’t feel confident without my blanket. I was telling friends that they were beautiful no matter what but when I looked at myself in the mirror I couldn’t tell the same to myself.
That was when I decided to stop wearing makeup everyday. I decided that I needed to learn to love myself, regardless of my size. If giving up makeup was my way to self-confidence then I was taking that leap.
So I stopped. At first people told me I looked tired. That hurt. But I kept doing it. I knew that I wasn’t doing it for their approval. I was doing it for myself.
It is because of this change that I now feel more confident and don’t have to spend as much time getting ready in the morning, which is an added bonus. As you can probably tell, I do still wear makeup from time to time and for special occasions. It is okay for me to want to fancy it up when I feel like it; I just didn’t want to become reliant. I only want to rely on myself to feel beautiful.